Dream 76: Double Trouble and A Shelter for Deaf Lesbians
P and I were at a gig. There was no stage but the edge of a dance floor. There was microphone off to the left then a couple of screens promoting the gig then a couple more mics on the right. I was about to go off and get changed when P suddenly went up to the mic on the left and started the gig. He did some of his usual set, leaving out the bits where I come in. He was getting some good laughs but part of the audience weren't going along with it. He then tried to adapt a routine to the venue/place. I could see what he should have done/said, but he got it all wrong and it didn't make any sense. Lots of the audience still laughed and P was pleased with himself, but a section of the audience shouted out, that doesn't make sense and not funny. P finished and went behind the screen. I went to follow him but he went over to the mics on the right and started saying something else to finish off. I turned to go back to my seat as I didn't want to get in the way of 'the show'. Then he finished again so I chased him back behind the screen. I was about to get changed, we're supposed to be a double act, I said, why didn't you wait for me? But he just shrugged. I told him that part of it didn't make sense but P just said he'd enjoyed himself. He was pleased that the reaction had been good (ignoring the dissent from one section of the audience). So I said well fine, you can do it yourself from now on and walked off. As I walked off I was upset, but thought I can do some sketches with other people and do more acting etc now....
(I told P this dream and he said he never do that and that he loved being a double act - just in case anyone was worried!).
I was in a home full of women. I was assigned to a bed. It was a very crowded room, I met one of the woman close by and we got on very well. Many of the women were deaf. Next day I was due to have a kind of marriage ceremony with this woman. She was attractive and fun and we seemed well suited. But something happened right before the ceremony and she was taken away. An older woman stepped forward into the middle of a circle which had formed. I'd seen her before and I liked her but I didn't fancy her. She was offering herself and I didn't want to leave her in the lurch in front of everyone. I think if you didn't have a partner you were ostracised. I sensed she'd been rejected before. I stepped into the circle and gave her a hug. So we would be married at some point. I was disappointed. I went into the bedroom area and saw that amongst what I thought were single beds there were double beds. Now I was to share the older woman's bed. I thought I don't mind sharing the bed, but I don't want anything physical with her. I noticed that she was lying on another bed with a baby in her arms (someone else's baby). She went under the covers and was silently crying. I went under with her and held the woman and baby in my arms, we all fell asleep.
I woke up the next day (in the dream) to find we were in a different shelter. I was officially the older woman's partner and everyone was very deaf. I had to pretend I was deaf as well. I was aware that I mustn't react to sound and only seem to be able to hear when people were in front of me ie lip reading. I kept trying to remember if I had kept up the act earlier or not. It was my partner's birthday and she wanted a certain dish for dinner. There was a computer where you selected what you wanted for each meal from the menu. She wanted porridge oats and jam. I said I think that's a breakfast dish, but then I found it for dinner and changed her order. I scrolled through trying to find something I could eat. I was annoyed because I had food at the other home and I wondered if they'd brought it over. There was very little on the menu for me.
We were due for a music session, it was a special therapy for the deaf to feel the rhythm and learn an instrument by rote/sense. I realised I had left my flute on a sideboard at the other house although someone told me they were bringing it over. Again I had to remember to respond only when I could see someone speaking to me. Then I was taken to get some clothes, mine had gone missing. There were lots of items that were unsuitable or didn't fit me, but then I found some loose, colourful 'hippie' style pants and I started to try them on. I was watching to see if they were trying to catch me out for not being deaf. I wasn't sure if I could keep it up and I wasn't that happy with my partner. She was nice and kind, but we didn't have a connection and I felt doomed to a mediocre existence.

Dream 75: Bloody Thirsty Monsters
I had this dream several days ago, it was extremely graphic, highly detailed and visually explicit. The dream opened with P in a street. He'd been driving but had crashed into several cars and shopfronts and left a trail of carnage down the road. Car doors hanging off, bikes strewn, debris all around. He had been completely oblivious and was amazed when he turned around and saw the devastation behind. I was on the opposite side of the street trying to catch up with him. I shouted across 'What happened?' but he didn't seem to know. Then I was an alien. We were very blood thirsty and continued down the street hacking into innocent people and killing or maiming them. It was supposed to be to get blood and/or flesh but I didn't see anyone actually drinking blood or eating flesh! I began to realise that this was wrong. We couldn't go around like this and would have to find an alternative way of getting food. When we attacked someone, we had a choice of whether to convert them into one of us or leave them to die. There were a few people who were on the point of turning into one of us, but I decided it would be kinder and more manageable if they didn't. I set fire to some of the bodies (the standard method apparently). The body elongated, expended all its fluids in a steamy gush and shrivelled into a brown dried up mess. Like a large dead lizard which has dried out in the sun.
Inside I felt I was an amphibian of some sort but also vampire-ish. Every now and then my insides would gurgle and shift as if uncomfortable in a human body and there was a constant threat that I would go back to my normal form. I was trying to stop the others from indiscriminate killing and to find a way to work with the people on earth. I had just stopped a particularly blood thirsty attempt and was holding a young girl on the floor. The Father came and stood over me with a huge kitchen knife. He brought it down towards my throat and held it just to my right. I thought, this is a dream he won't cut me, or I'll wake up. But he very slowly brought the knife against the side of my throat. I could feel it very intensely. Then he proceeded to cut through my neck. It went quite slowly, but the knife was sharp. I could feel it going through the flesh, it was deep into my neck. It was quite odd, I felt a momentary sensation of shock and panic and then as it was cutting through I wondered how it looked and whether any blood was showing yet, there was no artery burst. Then I realised that he couldn't kill me this way, we were very hard to kill, but at least it would make him feel better that he was defending his daughter, so I let him go right across my throat.
Sometime later I was posing as a young man in rooms at Cambridge University. Many of us had almost assimulated into human life. We were having sessions with a Don who was trying to educate us in literature. There were three of us who had just handed in an essay each. The Don commented that although technically correct, we had not put any soul, emotion or opinion into the essay. He was trying to get us to be passionate about our subject, but not being human we would not be capable of such emotions. I had tried to leave clues that we were in fact aliens. I hoped the Don would be intelligent enough to find us out. I wanted to let him know that the only way to kill us was with a special silver sword which I was going to leave somewhere strategic. I realised that although some of us were civilised there were still too many killing and terrorising people and I wanted to help them to get rid of us.

Dream 74: Show reel
My friend KB wanted to show me what she was going to put on a show reel. I went to her house to watch a rehearsal. It was in a room that was a large vestibule between the other rooms. It had a raised area that was like a stage with a step up all around a kind of large loop shape. I remember thinking how ideal it was for putting on a performance, although there was very little space for a seating area. I wondered why the room was not used as a lounge area but then there was another room which was the lounge. So KB started preparing for her role. She was dressed as the character but looked very much like she does in real life only with darker hair.
She started to perform the part. It was going well but then on a screen to the side was a film version that she'd made. In the film she had blond hair which was shaved short in the middle from the forehead to part way back. Then the sides and back of the head were long thick locks pulled into a loose pony tail. She was heavily made up complete with false beauty spot and had long fancy painted nails. She was absolutely the part and relishing playing the character. I kept looking at the film and trying see if it was really KB. Even the shape of her face had changed, but then I'd catch expressions that were hers. It was very mesmerising and I was switching back and forth between her on stage rehearsing and the film and trying to workout how she could recreate the film in 'real life'.

Dream 73: Bits and Pieces.....
I know, I know it's been ages. The few loyal readers I had have probably abandoned me now... Been so busy and the few dreams I remember have been a real hotch potch. Here are a few samples....
I was a heroin addict in one dream but it was a very odd addiction because I didn't actually use any heroin but I behaved like one, or at least lived an on-the-edge kind of lifestyle with some other addicts.
I moved back with my first proper boyfriend CH. It was a nightmare. In fact I've had this dream on and off over the years, maybe every two or three years. Just when I think I'm happy with my partner/husband etc I meet up with C and we end up moving back. I feel so terrible in the dream, like my life has been crushed and there's a sense of foreboding and failure, but it also seems inevitable that I'll be stuck with him for the rest of my life. I was so relieved when I woke up and realised I was still with my beloved P!
I found some bones. They were human but were in odd shapes, squares and rectangles and so forth. The were intricately carved like fine ivory and were beautiful. When I came across them I thought, ah at last I've found my bones. I was going to examine them to find out what I was really like. I was quite pleased they looked so artistic.
I was lying in the street perpendicular to the pavement, my feet in the gutter my head into the road, my arms out at shoulder height in a cross shape. I was in a deep sleep, well more like a drunken stupor. I'd apparently been out the night before and then crashed straight back into the road and fallen into a dead sleep. When I woke I rose onto my feet with by body completely straight as if I was pulled up erect. It didn't take any effort at all and I was ready to go to work. The people around me had been tutting and commenting on my behaviour and were amazed when I got up and appeared to have no ill effects and in fact was more alert and ready than they were.
There were some more odd bits but I've lost them now. Will try to keep up a more regular input if you're interested.. or even if you're not!

Dream 72: Stool Racing, Carrots and Hairy Armpits
Just a few snippets to be going along with... I'd been in some sort of show or film and I was talking to JS (real life colleague) about his forthcoming gigs. He was due to do some big projects with well known people and I was wondering who his agent was. We were travelling along some country roads riddled with pot holes and puddles and trying to figure out the best way home. There was a narrow country lane off to the side. Colin Firth showed up with some wooden stools with wheels on the bottom. We jumped on and set off down the lane at a fast rate trying to avoid the major puddles and chatting happily all the way.
Next dream I was living in a commune it was very chaotic with rooms every which way and clothes draped and strewn on every surface. It was war time and we had to make do and mend, hence the large variety of clothing. It was more like a kids dressing up box with colourful garments totally inappropriate to daily life. There was a man in the commune with dirty blonde hair and a worn face. He felt very sinister although outwardly seemed welcoming, laid back and cool in a hippie way. I knew he wanted to kill me. I had taken over his room and there had been a large sack of carrots which had clothes on top and mixed in with the carrots. I'd sorted them out and taken the carrots to the kitchen. The man kept hovering around wherever I was, so I started trying to avoid him and to disguise my look by dressing in very different stuff. I then started watching him secretly. I knew there was going to be a murder that he would be the one to commit it. I saw a tall slim girl dressed in black; hat, short jacket slightly fluffy and tight pants like thick tights and little pointy boots. She looked very cool and the man was talking to her. I suddenly felt that she might be the victim because he didn't know where I was and she was wearing black. I went to my room and he showed up asking about his carrots. The girl and a couple of people we standing nearby. I was pretending to casually sort through more clothes and he was smiling as if being friendly. I answered very lightly that I'd put them in the kitchen as I thought that's where they belonged. Everyone laughed as if it were a joke but the man's eye's were boring into me with hatred and malice.
My Mother was describing how in WW2 they had only one uniform and very little time or amenities for washing either themselves or their clothes. She said that instead two or three times a day they would just put deodorant on. Then there was an extreme close up of a big dark very hairy armpit being lavishly covered with a powerful roll on deodorant.

Dream 71: Killing Cats and Opening Night
Before I relate these latest dreams, just to say I’ve been having quite a few travel dreams (a very recurrent theme of mine) usually trains and aeroplanes/airports where I’m thwarted and sent hither and thither. But they become blurred and distorted on waking and I can’t capture them. Also had a few odd dreams about playing different kinds of games or doing complicated tests but again I haven’t been able to piece them together when I wake up. We have moved bedrooms recently which seems to have slightly affected my dreaming and my ability to recall them, plus the usual problem of disturbed sleep, when you’re jolted awake suddenly your dreams tend to disappear completely!
So, I had several dreams last night these are the two that remain with me. In the first an aunt had died and we went to her cottage. She had a lot of cats and we had to put them down. They were beautiful cats all different varieties but well kept, sleek lithe bodies and healthy coats. They were also very friendly and trusting. I didn’t understand why we had to kill them, I kept thinking of alternatives but for some reason we could do nothing else but destroy these lovely animals. Under instruction I prepared a solution. It was white gooey stuff in a plastic tube which we would use to pump the stuff into the cats. It was like the sealant you use on windows or similar and the tool was also like you would get in a hardware shop. We had to prepare the goo then take each cat and pump some into their mouths. The cats were so trusting and pliant they let us. In fact more cats kept coming to us for the ‘treatment’. Then the my ex housemate from the 1980’s, S, was in the kitchen and when the cats were falling alseep from the goo they’d been given she gently took them and put them into a large frying pan. The cats were curled up as if asleep and S made them fit exactly, one at a time, into the pan which was very slowly heated for a few minutes then the cats were put in a pile together. It was meant to be the most humane way to put them down and they did look peaceful, but not all of them died at once so S had to keep taking them back to the frying pan. It was all very calm but I felt so awful inside.
In the next dream it was the opening night of a show I was in. It was a big theatre and I had a reasonable part but was not one of the main cast. We were doing various back stage preparations and last minute directions were be shouted and reiterated. It seemed to be the first time we had full costumes as there was a lot adjusting and complaining and people running about with bits of flapping material.
Then there was a big fanfare, the show was about to start. I had in my minds eye my main scene which was later in the play, but I actually didn’t know much about the rest of the show. A small group of us were ushered through some corridors and shown with a flourish into the back of the auditorium just as the show started. I was quite excited as I was going to get to see what was going on. It was also part of the spectacle of opening night that some of the cast was in the audience and people were turning to look at us. The show commenced. It was a depicting a film shoot. There was a small crew, cameraman, focus puller, director, AD, boom operator and sound guy. They were crouching around a spot and fussing as if to prepare the shot for a big star. There was dialogue the gist of which was that whomever it was was late, but that they had to be ready. I wondered how on earth this fitted together with the scene I was in. The next scene was to change to be a stage show and I wondered if the play was about an actor. I started to make up a story myself. A sort of day in the life where a well known actor is supposed to film a commercial or something during the day then go to his play in the eveing where he’s doing a fairly long running season. However he’s stuck in a terrible traffic jam in a violent storm. A bridge ahead has collapsed and other storm related calamities occur on the film set, at the theatre and around him on the road. He manages to avoid all the disasters, but ends up helping to save people around him, even though initially he stays in his limo making calls about how his day has been totally mucked up. I realise this had nothing to do with the play I’m in but I still can’t figure out how my scene fits in either.

Dream 70: Back to School and KT Tunstall
Had a dream last week where I was back at school, but still my own age. I’ve had similar dreams before, but this was different in that when I was semi-awake I thought it was true.
I was going to classes and unlike previous dreams I had done my ‘O’ levels or equivalent and was just about to do my ‘A’ levels and would be leaving school in a few weeks. The other students were all 17 or 18 and I was trying not to draw attention to the fact that I was in my 40’s! As I was waking up, my real brain starting saying things like, but I can’t be at school at this age, then answering itself by saying, but you’ll be leaving in a few weeks, just hang on and then you can get back to normal. It was as if I had to complete the school exams before I could get back to what I was doing before. But I still couldn’t work out why no one thought it was odd that I was in an actual school with teenagers, when I should have gone to a college or something at my age. It was very real and took me a few moments for my mind to come back to real reality and confirm to itself that I was NOT actually going to school at this stage of my life!
Last night I was dreaming about being in a home where my Granny (Dodo) was living (my Granny died many years ago). She had gone away on holiday and I was waiting for her to come back. I knew where her room was but I couldn't get in. I went into the other rooms such as the lounge and the dining areas. It was like a very high class hotel. I was pleased that Dodo had such a nice place to live. P and I were getting ready to play some music. We had set up the PA, but I needed to change. I was trying to get into Dodo's rooms but couldn't. I tried a few other rooms, I was going to sneak into an unoccupied one but there were too many staff so I kept wandering around with the clothes draped over my arms.
Then P and I were in the street. We went into a shop entrance and we looking at the window display. There was some music playing and we were watching something (don't remember what). KT Tunstall was next to us and she started singing along. It was one of her own songs and I started to recognise it as one which had been played on TV in a big series. She was getting to the chorus and we both started to sway at the same time with out shoulders touching. I told her that we had been at the Outsider Festival - she had played there. She nodded. Then I said that we'd been trying to do comedy in one of the big tents when she started her set. I explained that we were entertainers. I then tried to tell her that her song had been featured in the TV show. But she kept going on about a film in which her music as to be used. I had the feeling she didn't actually know about the TV show and she may be due some payment. But I couldn't get my point across - we just kept talking at crossed purposes.

Dream 69: Spiritual Matters and Hippies
Had this dream a few days ago - problems getting online... These are parts of a very long dream that meandered from one story to another. I was in an open air car park which looked to be somewhere in the US. I had just completed something or other and I was coming back to my car with great success, people whooping and cheering. There were three or four young men in the front of a dark modern van. They were a famous group who were watching me. I took my track pants off but had no knickers on underneath. I had a long T-Shirt on which I thought covered my bits, but the group in the van shook their heads and indicated I should put my track pants back on. We were laughing about it. I looked across the parking lot and saw the group on a huge billboard. They were doing their trade-mark signature which was having their backs to the camera, turning their faces back to look back over their shoulder, while bending over as if to give us a mooney. But instead of a full mooney they just showed the top of their cracks in a builder's bum style. They had similar track pants to mine (plain black) so when I was putting mine back on, I did a builder's bum crack moon at them. They loved it!
Then I was in a meditation place in some mountainous region. It was a cross between a museum and a retreat. We were on a tour, but also participating at times. In one large room there was to be a meditation session. I was with J and she was whispering what various things meant and what to do next. The session started off quiet and reflective as one would expect, but then a women leapt up and started flinging her arms around and singing. The rest of the room mimicked her. They were dancing around singing and some were chanting, others looked confused. It was the loudest most chaotic meditation I'd ever seen. J was trying to explain it to me while I looked into the face of the lead women. She was wearing pastel orangey-pinky flowing garments and she looked ecstatic. I thought it was all too hyped for my liking.
We walked on into some small rooms which had ancient artifacts and shrine-like displays. There was some writing on small pieces of stone and slate. They looked like hieroglyphics but as you read them they changed to letters and words, but not ones I recognised. J started to read from them quietly. It was very impressive. We went into another room and I said I didn't know she could read Sanskrit. She told me she done a retreat some years ago with a guru who guided her. She did not need to learn, because no one can teach it, you either have the gift to read or you don't. But the guru had seen the gift in her and she was able to do it. J said the guru had been very impressed with her. We then went into another room which turned out to be a gift shop, in fact a series of gift shop rooms which contained not just things to buy but also interspersed with museum artifacts so you had to be careful not to touch certain items and displays. J had disappeared by this time. It was very colourful, lots of pastel shades and nice new age style gifts, clothing, crystals etc. Some of the stuff was quite tasteful and appealing, I picked up a couple of bits I thought I might buy. Suddenly there was a commotion. A older man who looked like a hippie from long gone days, long lanky hair, flowing orange sarong and a black slogan T-shirt, had opened up a sacred object. It was an elaborate scent burner. It had cages or baskets in it, but it was centuries old and not meant to touched. But the hippie bloke acted like he had one at home and used it all the time. He was saying he was just trying to improve the atmosphere and light some scents, he had some with him. He couldn't see what all the fuss was about, people getting carried away with possessions, he was just trying to improve the vibe of the room. Meanwhile the shop assistants were shouting and talking about getting the police and so on.
I walked to another room. I was sort of on the hippie's side. They were over reacting. All they had to say was please don't touch that it's fragile and he would have respected that. But they were berating him and threatening all sorts of legal action which seemed unnecessary to me. I then came across another ancient artifact. It was a sort of doll-like figure in a complicated structure like an elongated long square cube which was suspended between four sticks. I dismantled the structure, took out the doll and wrapped something around it. It had the feeling of being something like dope, slightly illegal but not serious. It was meant to be a sign for the hippie bloke, he would see it and know there was support for him. He may even take the doll as well - it wasn't very clear. I'd almost finished when someone walked up to see what I was doing. I just pretended to be admiring it, turning it so I could see. Luckily I'd just managed to get the doll back so the wrapped stuff didn't show and they were non the wiser. I walked nonchalantly away. There was still a commotion around the hippie bloke. So I decided to walk out without paying for my stuff. I never intended to, but I thought it would serve them right for being so horrible. They were supposed to be promoting peace, love, spiritual well being and yet they were being outrageously horrible to the hippie. I was about to pick up another item to steal just to spite them, but then decided against it because I really wanted the two or three items I'd picked and that was all.